I never wondered about past lives, if in another life I have been a monk or fought in Napoleon's war. I do think however that the story above has some symbolic truth to it. It is sometimes said that we chose our lives and that before we were born we chose exactly these parents, this place and this moment because it would be this very life that gives us the perfect opportunity to fully develop and express ourselves. At birth we would forget all of this with the intention that we are to remember this during our lives. Well, one night I had a rather detailed dream about this…
am standing in front of a spring at the foot of a steep cliff. From above water comes flowing down over the rocks. The waterfall has an intense shimmer to it and radiates bright colors, it has some kind of magical properties. I somehow sense that this water is pure life in liquid form. In the middle of the basin there is an intensely bright light just above the surface and it seems as if a magnetic force curves the image making it hard to clearly see it. The more I try to see what it is the more I feel being pulled towards it. The light becomes stronger and suddenly an immense sensation of euphoria and relief comes over me. Then I know without a doubt, that this is God right in front of me!
I never believed in God as something that could be present in one particular place and I would think it to be more like an energy that’s part of everything. But here he, she, it is, manifested right in front of me; the creator, the alpha and the omega and gosh is it something to behold. The feeling is overwhelming.
I am hardly able to make sense of it all but then God reaches out to the waterfall and by a mere gesture the water splits up into two streams like it’s a curtain. A shining sphere of light appears from the rocks and I know instantly this is a pocket of life energy. The glowing sphere contains the seed out of which new life can be created.
In the spirit dimension a soul gets elected to merge with the sphere and it is injected into the physical world at the birth of a new baby.
Suddenly I feel very excited and energised and feel some kind of trial is about to start. It will be a chance for me to show my worth and if I deserve to be chosen for this new life-to-be. God looks upon me, swings the sphere and throws it far away from the spring.
I turn around and see the spring is connected to a long lane that looks somewhat like palace gardens. The area is surrounded by thick fog. Apparently the challenge is to try and retrieve the sphere. Excited I run off into the garden disappearing into the fog… Some time later I return at the fountain empty handed, where God has been waiting patiently. Feeling disappointed I don’t really get the point of the game anymore and what retrieving that ball was all about. But at that moment two huge giants enter the stage. Stomping they approach and come stand next to me on both sides.
Caught off my guard I look up at the giants and my stomach goes in knots. The colossus at my right is at least twice my size and appears to be made of solid rock. He looks back at me with a crushing look in his eyes and grunts heavily, so much that it causes the ground around him to shake. I feel as if I am shrinking. He then turns facing towards the fountain as he’s waiting for orders. The demon on my left is even taller but rather skinny. His limbs are unnaturally long and he hunches over slightly. The creature’s skin is black and looks like cracked earth. Most of its face is covered in shade and two yellow eyes stare right at me. He breathes strangely, almost like he’s panting. A chill goes up my back as his gaze sucks me in and I’m having a hard time pulling myself from the trance. Then he blinks his eyes and turns towards the fountain.
A strange sensation comes over me that I know these monsters from somewhere but I can’t remember and frankly I don’t even want to. There is going to be a next round of the challenge with these as my opponents. I try to regain some balance and briefly close my eyes. When I open them I notice both giants suddenly seem not that tall anymore. They now are barely a few foot taller than me. Strange…
From the pool God looks at the three of us and then it is as if time rewinds. The sky turns round and the sun goes down and rises again. Then God is again holding up the ball of light. I get a glimpse of the sphere and notice there’s still water flowing over it. It sparkles brightly and exerts a strong pull. Apparently it has the same effect on the two giants who seem as if they are about to jump forward to snatch the sphere. We brace ourselves for the race. God is about to throw the ball but for a second looks at me. It feels amazing, so much love, encouragement and strength swelling up in me. I wonder if the other two have seen it too. But then the ball gets thrown and with a sweep we turn around to run after it.
At top-speed we run down the long lane. The giants and I have the same goal to find the sphere and be the one to retrieve it to the fountain but we clearly have very different motives as for what to do with the prize. I fear that if the sphere ends up in their hands they will use it to corrupt the new life it will make and I can’t let that happen.
At first the grunting colossus and I are in the lead but he is clearly not amused and starts roaring loudly and bumping onto me, pushing me over to the side. I stumble and now I am considerably running behind. My second opponent soon catches up on me and again I hear his heavy breathing. While running beside me he keeps looking sideways at me. He grins and exhausts a hissing laugh. His gaze is intoxicating and makes me dizzy. He makes another shuddering sound and suddenly his body vibrates strangely. For a second it seems as if I can see through him. Then his face changes and his entire appearance morphs. It is as if I am running along a mirror wall when suddenly the creature looks exactly like me!
My last bit of strength melts away and I trip over my own feet. I fall and with a nasty roll I end up on the ground. When looking up I see the shape-shifter looking over his shoulder grinning at me as he runs ahead.
Into the fog
My knees and elbows are scraped up and I feel I can’t keep up any longer. The intimidating tricks of the giants really got to me. How can I ever win like this? I feel defeated and can’t shake of the image of the shape-shifter’s glowing eyes. That moment he looked like me had drained my spirit. But suddenly I realise that no matter how convincing he had been, he hadn’t fully succeeded because his eyes stayed the same! In that he didn’t manage to look like me. With this sudden insight, I find back some strength and get up.
But now the path has become barely visible in the thick mist. In the distance I see my adversaries, clearly also lost at this point. We are standing in an endless white void. I look around for any trace of the sphere but it’s nowhere to be found. The giants look at each other and then both run away in opposite directions.
I have no clue what to do. From the beginning there has been something strangely familiar about the two demons. Oddly enough, I feel we are not all that different and that in essence we somehow are the same. Suddenly I understand that my competitors literally are me; they represent aggression and manipulation, parts of me that I am trying to let go of. What a realisation! If I would be the one to retrieve the sphere, I would be born into a new body, a new life, but then I don’t want to bring these parts with me.
Then I see something twinkle in the distance. It is the sphere! I run towards it and pick it up. It’s heavier than it seemed and even too big to hold with one hand. I lift it above my head and I cheer loudly, which I shouldn’t have because the giants heard it and are furiously running towards me. I make a run for it in the direction from where we came. Luckily it doesn’t take long before the gardens appears again in the distance. Without looking back I sprint toward the cliff where the waterfall already comes into view but I feel my opponents are closing in on me.
Holding the sphere with stretched arms I finally arrive at the fountain. I made it! I can almost feel the two giants breathing in my neck but when I look back they are nowhere to be found. They have vanished!
"When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you."
- African proverb
For the first time I get a good look at the sphere. It shines brightly and appears to be white at first but when looking closer it’s rather pearlescent with a whole range of pastel colors. The outside seems to be made of marble and still there is water flowing over the surface as if it has its own gravity. It’s incredibly beautiful and enchanting. When I look up and God is looking back at me and a wave of love washes over me. God invites me to step into the pool. I know it all came down to this moment. The water is nicely warm and I feel the tension disappearing away with every step. I am in until my hips feeling intensely relieved and quiet inside. There’s complete silence and all I hear is the sound of water running. The sunlight reflects on and the surface and I’m surrounded by light and sparkles. Life flows around and through me. Still holding the sphere I wade through the water approach the waterfall and the opening in the rocks.
I am fully aware what will happen when I put the sphere into the hole, that I will begin a new life and won’t remember any of this. Slowly I stretch out my arms lifting up the sphere and all of a sudden my perspective changes to a point from the inside of the mountain, looking through the hole as I see my hands from the other side sliding the ball in the opening and covering the light. Then all turns dark.
When I open my eyes and look around, I see my bedroom in the early morning light. I feel disoriented, full of emotions but with great inner-clarity.